Remembering Dad

My cousin Kiat Ken in London sent me this photo this morning. Every 23rd January, he has a drink to remember my father. They used to enjoy drinks together whenever he was in town visiting family. If I am not mistaken, this annual commemoration is with a drink from a bottle of either whiskey or brandy that my Mum gave him from my dad's collection 5 years ago. Another cousin of mine Lynette, does the same every year, with a shot of brandy. Apparently, it is the only time of year that she drinks.

I guess we all have our own ways of remembering our loved ones who have passed on. Most importantly, the fond memories that always remain in our hearts are what matter.

Remembering dad on the 5th anniversary of his passing.


Photo courtesy of my cousin Kiat Ken.

Catch Up In Bangkok

My late father was employed at the same company all his life. Starting out as an office boy after Form 5, he left as the CEO of Bangkok Bank Kuala Lumpur after 41 years of service. That I believe is the epitome of loyalty and commitment. Through-out the years, we met many of his Thai colleagues who were posted to Kuala Lumpur. Of the many, we've only kept in touch with Khun Chatjai who was here during the last few years of dad's tenure at the bank. Now retired and back in Bangkok, we try to catch up whenever we are on holiday there.

 

I last had lunch with Khun Chatjai 2 years ago, with my sister to be exact, when we were in Bangkok celebrating my cousin Siew Yoong's birthday. This time round, a couple of weeks back actually, Mum and I met up with Khun Chatjai and his wife, Auntie Polly, over afternoon tea. Mum hadn't seen them in many years and it was a somewhat emotional yet happy meeting.

 

Keeping in contact with my dad's friends is a way of remembering him. We reminisce about our time spent together but most importantly catch up on the latest and what the future may hold. Such meetings, though short, remind us of the value of friendship and the necessary effort to nurture and maintain such bonds.

 

 

With Khun Chatjai, Auntie Polly, Mum and my dad's sisters, Aunties Anne and Mary at Dean & Deluca in Bangkok, Thailand.

Dad's Old Time Favourite

Sek Yuen was one of my father's favourite restaurants. I think it is fair to say he visited very often, enjoying almost weekly lunches or dinners with his good friends. He always used to tell us about how good and authentic the food was; for him it was an institution. I never went all those years. I seldom even ventured to Pudu where the restaurant has been located for more than half a century I believe.

Ventured there I did a few days ago. My friend Han San had organised a Chinese New Year feast for a few of us and I finally found my way to Sek Yuen, courtesy of a hand-sketched map that my mother had equipped me with. Suffice to say, my Dad's great praise of the food was not unfounded. The retro setting was a highlight in itself, the restaurant seemingly stuck in a time warp.

Our exclamations of delight at the dishes served probably echoed those of my father and his friends. Such old time favourites, signature dishes that were and still are held in high regard, have survived the times and elevate the gastronomic experience, particularly for first-timers like me. After seven courses, we left satiated and happy, promising to return in the not too distant future.

The famous waxed meat rice served at Sek Yuen during Chinese New Year.

Remembering Dad

'If you know someone who fought cancer and won, or fought cancer and died, or someone who is still fighting, please add this to your status for 1 hour as a mark of respect and remembrance'. This request was asked of those who are on Facebook. I did my part.

It's been 20 months since Dad passed away from complications brought on by chemotherapy. I remember the doctor visits I accompanied my father to, the chemotheraphy sessions. It is indeed an illness that affects the entire family, not just the patient. Much perseverance and a strong will are required of the patient, much patience and strength are required of the patient's support group. Sometimes circumstances turn out good, other times not. Dad's fight lasted only 5 months from diagnosis. He was in fact responding well to the drugs as the tumours were shrinking, it was the side effects of the treatment that caused him to succumb.

Time heals and we have moved on with our lives. We think of Dad often, I do almost every day. When I encounter an amusing situation, I would chuckle at what his response would have been. When the extended family gathers for a celebration, I remember his commitment to family ties. I try to have his compassion but I do not always succeed. I say hello to his friends whenever I run into them; I made it a point to have lunch with his good friend and colleague when I was in Bangkok recently. And when I feel a bit discouraged, I remember his words 'It is your life to live, live it as you deem fit.'

Here is an inspiring story.

Photo shot at Prambanan in Jogjakarta on our second last holiday together.

Dad's Passing, One Year On

Today marks the first anniversary of my dad's passing. He succumbed to the side effects of chemo-therapy rather abruptly a year ago and whilst we were grateful that he did not suffer for too long, his sudden passing nevertheless left a void in our lives.

Today we celebrate the life that my dad lived. He was loyal - to family, friends and employer. All his life, my dad only worked for one employer, and he rose from an office boy to the position of CEO in more than 4 decades of service. Family and close friends came second to none. He was compassionate and kind, always putting others first, always considering the plight of the less fortunate. He enjoyed life - a good drink at the Batek Bar, good food with his close circle of friends. He loved unconditionally - my mum, Suk Harn and I. Always supportive was my father in my decisions in life, whether he fully agreed with the paths I have taken or otherwise.

Today, my extended family gathers to remember my father. I think of him often. I think of the good he has done and the good I hope to do. I place importance on family ties as he always did. I live my life the way I see fit as he once told me to do. My dad was a man of few words but his actions were that of a man with character. We miss him. We think of him often. We cherish the great times we had. We honour him by living the good life. Here's to you dad.

Photo of my father on a horse drawn carriage in Jogjakarta, Indonesia, January 2009.

Thanks 2010

2010 has been a year that made me realise the important things in life. I lost my father in January to cancer and his passing reinforced some of the lessons he taught me - the importance of family ties and kinship, integrity and to live my life as I deem fit as long as I am happy.

2010 has also been one where I have traveled much. Bali twice! Hong Kong, Singapore, Penang, Kuching, Ho Chi Minh City and the most significant, my solo trip to Turkey for my birthday. To see the world is something I always find inspiring and I hope to see more in the year ahead.

2010 also made me understand that some friends are more worth having than others. I appreciate the good ones, and I will certainly discard the ones that have done me wrong. It's the time of year to say 'good riddance to bad rubbish' and to be truly thankful for those in my inner circle who accept me for who I am and who put up with my nonsense.

2010 has made me a stronger person, one who faces challenges head on, who embraces the opportunities to scale new heights, who relishes new experiences, who tries a little harder to find the missing pieces in life.

2010 has been a milestone in more ways than one. Thanks for the good times and the not so good.

2011 beckons!

Photo of Suk Harn, mum and I at Pho 2000 in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam over the Christmas holidays.

Refreshed

I just spent a few days in Bali with my family and am refreshed. This is our first holiday without Dad. I suppose life goes on. We had a good time chilling at fab resorts, indulging in good food and shopping to our hearts' content. I am sure that through it all though, there were moments where we spared a thought for my father. Bali was one of his favourite holiday destinations, he would have enjoyed our little break too.

4 days is never really enough time in Bali for me. I could stay for a week, more even. This is my sixth time there and I never tire of the relaxing atmosphere and laid-back vibe, of course the friendliness of the people I come across too.

Can't wait to go back again in a few months! This time for a wedding but have definitely built in an extra few days into the itinerary for more R&R.

Photo shot at Maya Ubud Resort & Spa in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.

2nd Day Of Chinese New Year

A day that started off with a visit to the temple ended with a meaningful family get-together at our home, interspersed with a 'hoi-leen' brunch at the Wong family home in SEA Park and dinner at one of our all time favourite restaurants, Formosa in SS2.

Although not all were present for the family portrait, it was still meaningful in many ways. For my immediate family, it was our first without Dad but we draw comfort from the fact that the extended family, well most of us anyway, still cherish and work hard at maintaining the bonds that hold us together.

The sense of festivity at our home last evening I hope, will kickstart many more happy occasions to come after the melancholic past few weeks. That is what Chinese New Year signifies, a new beginning with new hopes and aspirations, new journeys and renewed trust in life.

Photo set up by my sister Suk Harn.

Reunion Dinner

It was a fun reunion dinner with the Wongs. As always, we stuffed ourselves silly. For a change, we had steamboat this year. The weather was pretty hot and humid but like we always do, that didn't deter us from enjoying the food and camaraderie.

17 of us in total - those of us who are still in KL that is - gathered at the family home in SEA Park in what will be the start of many gatherings this Chinese New Year. More meals and activities have already been planned for the days ahead.

But the reunion dinner was all about cementing family ties. We are close knit and it is so important that we cherish the bonds that hold us together as a family. This is a valuable lesson that I have been taught by my dad all these years.

Photo of some of us at the reunion dinner.

Reunion Lunch

It is tradition for my family to have a reunion lunch at home on the eve of Chinese New Year before joining the rest of the extended family for a reunion dinner later in the evening. This year is no different.

Mum cooked a simple meal of steamed chicken, deep fried pomfret, stirfried lettuce with garlic and abalone soup. The 3 of us enjoyed each other's company and had a laugh or two about some of my dad's funny remarks of New Years past.

Next up, reunion dinner with the rest of the clan!

Photo of abalone soup.

Lady Of The Night

They haven't bloomed in a while but they're doing really great these past couple of days leading up to Chinese New Year. Mum asked me to take a few photos of them - Lady Of The Night - my dad's favourite plant. Lai Lin more eloquently describes the plant in her comment to my post Eulogy To Dad. All I know is that they emit a wonderful fragrance when night falls and a whiff of it often reminds us of my dad. Auntie Helen would concur.

I suppose the blooms come at a good time. We celebrate Chinese New Year without dad's physical presence this year but somehow I feel he is with us - through memories, through the little occurrences that remind us of him.

Tomorrow night we will go ahead with the reunion dinner that my dad had planned with 2 of his siblings, Auntie Anne and Uncle Chee Peng. Pretty apt I think. Life goes on, celebrating family ties, as my dad would have wanted.

Photo of Lady Of The Night in our little garden at home.

Helen's Take

For as long as I can remember, since childhood actually, Auntie Helen has been part of the Wong extended family. She and my Auntie Anne have been friends for decades and she is regarded as part of the family. In fact my dad often referred to Auntie Helen as his defacto sister. She is on the list for every family gathering, every celebration.

Here are some of Auntie Helen's thoughts on my dad, in response to some of the comments that my post Eulogy To Dad generated ..........

Reading Lai Lin's words brought a huge lump to my throat. Yes. Your dad was not only a good gardener, he was a very generous man too. He freely gave away his treasured plants to all who asked. When I moved back to the city to live, I had to leave behind the basil plant, the pandan leaves and the fragrant lady-of-the-night. A whiff of the scent and memories will come flooding back. A lot of people out there are not aware that your dad was a very good singer. I will miss him, his smile, his jokes ..............

Photo of Auntie Helen shot at Passion Road during Auntie Mary's 70th birthday celebration in October 2009.

Ipoh

My mum suggested that we all go to Ipoh for a day trip yesterday, just to get away for a bit. So off we went with my aunts and uncles, all 7 of us - mum, Suk Harn and I, Auntie Anne, Auntie Mary, Uncle Chee Peng and Uncle KC; my dad's 2 sisters, brother and brother-in-law.

On the agenda, eating our way through town and shopping for goodies to bring home too. Most of all, the intention was to get our minds off the melancholy of the past week. We succeeded somewhat, so that's progress.

We all piled into Auntie Mary and Uncle KC's MPV bright and early, actually early but not bright yet, considering we left home at 6.30am! And we got back at about 5.00pm, after much food and drink, much more food-shopping and some sing-a-longs in the car. Thank God for family!

Photo of me and Auntie Anne, and some who were impatient to get at the food.

Kindness And Compassion

I have returned to work. The demanding and impatient self is back. Those who work with me seem to think so too. I suppose that is a good sign.

I've been receiving many thoughtful messages via sms, Facebook and email. It is much appreciated and I try to respond personally to each and every one. The ones that stand out in particular, are those from my dad's friends and ex-colleagues, from near and far. A fellow patient even. They speak of how he had touched their lives, in different ways, but in his own inimitable style. The recurring sentiments? Humility, kindness and compassion. I hope to learn a thing or two.

As my mum, sister and I reflect on the past few months leading up to my dad's passing, we have come to realise that there were many coincidences that only now make sense. Like my father, I truly believe in fate and the hand that it deals. Que sera, sera. What we have are wonderful memories to remember him by.

Photo of my dad, mum and I having tea at Hotel Le Royal, during our last holiday together with my father in Phnom Penh, Cambodia.

Eulogy To Dad

A tribute to my dad at his funeral ...

On behalf of my mum, Suk Harn and I, many thanks for being here to pay your respects and say farewell to my dad. In life, my father was a simple man. I believe though sad at leaving us, he would want to say to all of us, be sad for a little while, think of me every now and then, continue living the good life and most importantly maintain and cherish family ties.

Human nature would sometimes have us search for answers. Could the treatments have been better, could he have fought harder, could we have encouraged him more? But at the end of the day, my father was a believer in karma. He had spoken on a number of occasions with my Uncle Chee Peng and I about the likelihood of his impending passing. He was accepting of what fate had in store.

So once again, thanks for the love, support, encouragement and thoughtfulness all this while and coming to send dad on his final journey - a loving and devoted husband, a father who loved unconditionally, someone who would say, it is your life to live, so live it as you deem fit, a loyal friend and a compassionate man.

We will miss you dad.

Here's an account of our sad yet joyful farewell to my dad from the perspective of my cousin Lynette.